I had another moment like that last weekend; a moment where it felt like time slowed down just so I could witness all the grace it held. Last weekend my son Sutton celebrated his fourth birthday! I found myself looking back through photos of him in the NICU, and was instantly rushed back to those days where everyday was a test of resilience and faith. I looked back at photos of him as he grew from a two pound micro-preemie into a smiley one year old, then a curious two year old, and later, a precocious three year old. I smiled through tears as I remembered how tiny he was - how he actually used to sleep right on my chest he was so small, and how now he won't let me hug him as long or nuzzle him as much. It was such a bittersweet moment realizing that my baby is, well, no longer a baby.
As I ease into this season of thankfulness and cognition, I see where I struggle in my faith and where I need to be more obedient. However, I also see that my life is so full of love, and that my husband and I are especially blessed to have each other and Sutton. Still, if I have learned anything these last four years it's that true faith has to be personal, and it must come from within. If it starts there, then it slowly starts to seep out and heal you - filling in the gaps and spaces left too wide by past hurts and needs that were never met. Just like my son being four, where we are isn't permanent, but it is where God has placed us and there is meaning in it (even if I don't see it). Yep, real life isn't perfect, but gee, look what God has done!