No one can deny this is one of the busiest times of year. Summer vacations have ended, there are no more lazy mornings, and there's extra traffic on the road as school buses hum and stop, picking up children that have headed back to school. Even though there is no such thing as a "summer break" for parents, there is an extra hustle to the beginning of autumn. The evening now seems to be the only time I find myself able to sit and relax, after my son has gone to bed and the kitchen has been cleaned. It is actually now the only time Brad and I have to spend together during the work week. It's our time to unwind and talk, play with our dog and catch up on all the awful but decadent reality TV we favor (ha!). It's a treasured time because like many parents, it will only be a matter of time before our calendars are marked full with school, social and holiday functions. Yes, I said school ... summer is officially over.
This past week we have all witnessed kids in their best outfits and school uniforms holding up signs proudly announcing their first day of school. Well hang on, because you'll be getting one more: Sutton will be starting school next month! Okay, not quite school but more of a special class. The class he will be attending will be a step up from Mommy and me but not quite Pre-K (we didn't meet the age requirements because he is still two). Instead, it will be a class for 2 - 3 1/2 year olds that will include arts and crafts, music, educational activities, free play and fellowship. I couldn't think of a better stepping stone for my son. But to be honest, in my moment of happiness and pride there was also a nagging trepidation; where all of the hopes I have for him meet the reality of his growing yet unsteady capabilities. What if there are certain goals set that he cannot meet? What if he has trouble holding his pencil or his fork (he's struggling with this particular fine motor skill) and it undermines the confidence he's gained? With everything from Pre-K to college and sports to dance classes designed to measure our children's aptitude and physical prowess, is there ever a time when it doesn't matter? If you're a preemie parent, sometimes it doesn't seem so.
Prematurity research shows that there is a real divide between the actual age of a child born prematurely and their adjusted age. For example, Sutton is almost three years of age (34 months to be exact), but his adjusted age accounts for the time he should have been developing in the womb. It places him at 31 months - which would put him more in the range of capabilities a two and a half year old possesses, give or take. Past theory proclaimed that once a premature child reached two years of age, that they had fully adjusted and closed the gap on this divide, and there would be no need for further developmental therapy. New studies prove this just isn't true. Of course some of a young child's development is strongly influenced by their experiences, but much of a child's development is going to unfold as their body grows and develops in a set biological sequence. By assessing a premature child's language skills, problem solving skills, behavior and fine/gross motor skills, it can help parents and educators anticipate a child's needs. This can extend well beyond the formative years of a premature child's life.
I recognize we are a people that LOVE to measure things. We measure everything - weight, height, grades, profits, team standings - even the square footage of our homes in the hopes that it fits a particular standard. In the world of parenting, measuring often leads to comparisons. But when does that standard for comparison go out the window? Parents of premature children know this struggle all too well, as it's almost our job to compare. It's actually healthy for us to evaluate our preemies through early intervention and developmental therapy; to watch them and make mental "progress reports" of their abilities. I believe it only becomes detrimental when comparisons become competition. With that said, I just want to acknowledge that I know it's difficult at times to remain patient as you witness other children reach milestones that your child hasn't. Feeling that pain is okay, but if you accept and encourage your child within the realm of their capabilities instead of focusing on what your child is limited by, it lifts that burden and guilt. You know what has really helped me? Staying focused on how far my son has come in his own walk towards independence and growth. For a micro preemie he is doing amazingly well. Every journey is unique - embrace your child's and yours!
Prematurity research shows that there is a real divide between the actual age of a child born prematurely and their adjusted age. For example, Sutton is almost three years of age (34 months to be exact), but his adjusted age accounts for the time he should have been developing in the womb. It places him at 31 months - which would put him more in the range of capabilities a two and a half year old possesses, give or take. Past theory proclaimed that once a premature child reached two years of age, that they had fully adjusted and closed the gap on this divide, and there would be no need for further developmental therapy. New studies prove this just isn't true. Of course some of a young child's development is strongly influenced by their experiences, but much of a child's development is going to unfold as their body grows and develops in a set biological sequence. By assessing a premature child's language skills, problem solving skills, behavior and fine/gross motor skills, it can help parents and educators anticipate a child's needs. This can extend well beyond the formative years of a premature child's life.
I recognize we are a people that LOVE to measure things. We measure everything - weight, height, grades, profits, team standings - even the square footage of our homes in the hopes that it fits a particular standard. In the world of parenting, measuring often leads to comparisons. But when does that standard for comparison go out the window? Parents of premature children know this struggle all too well, as it's almost our job to compare. It's actually healthy for us to evaluate our preemies through early intervention and developmental therapy; to watch them and make mental "progress reports" of their abilities. I believe it only becomes detrimental when comparisons become competition. With that said, I just want to acknowledge that I know it's difficult at times to remain patient as you witness other children reach milestones that your child hasn't. Feeling that pain is okay, but if you accept and encourage your child within the realm of their capabilities instead of focusing on what your child is limited by, it lifts that burden and guilt. You know what has really helped me? Staying focused on how far my son has come in his own walk towards independence and growth. For a micro preemie he is doing amazingly well. Every journey is unique - embrace your child's and yours!
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